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Well, I'm back.

After being showered with comments, tweets, and e-mails from so many of you--saying such nice, supportive things--I didn't feel like I could stay away for long. Because honestly, how could I not come back to say thank you?

Many of you were thanking me. But thank you.

Each and every one of you made a point to say that I shouldn't let negativity win. I shouldn't give in to the one person who chose to try to knock me down when there are so many others who want to do nothing but lift me up. Of course, you're all absolutely right, and deep down, I knew that from the beginning. It was just a perfect storm of emotions and insecurities and hateful words that led to an extreme reaction.

Brushing off the haters is so much easier said than done. But I'll keep on keepin' on.

As the comments kept coming in--blowing up my phone--I read every single one. And you guys, it was overwhelming. You are unbelievable. So many of you said that I had actually helped you. Through wedding projects and pregnancy and parenting and dinner planning. Through photography and home renovations.

I had honestly never viewed myself or my blog in that way. I never really thought about readers actually learning anything here. (I was shocked, however, that no one mentioned they had learned that you could break your ass during childbirth. Come on, you heard it here first, folks. Was that not an important lesson? But I digress.)

Many of you also said that when you come here, you feel like you are checking in on a friend. That means more to me than you know. And it's funny, because so many of you felt that you would come off as "creepy" for saying so. But the thing is, I know exactly what you're saying, because I've grown attached to other blogs and their authors in the same way. All of the things you were saying? I've said those things to a couple of bloggers myself. So I get it. I really do. I just never imagined someone would say those things to me.

Just know that I'm thankful--so very thankful--for everyone who took the time to leave me such thoughtful notes and words of wisdom.

And as of right now, I'm not going anywhere.

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Rocked

There have been many occasions during which I have entertained thoughts of giving up this blog--or, more accurately, making it private. After all, I never set out to become an actual "blogger."

I started a blog in 2007 about my wedding projects, never expecting anyone to ever READ the thing. I directed people to it when they wanted instructions for painted aisle runners or DIY pocketfold invitations. But people came, and then they... stayed. Naturally, I started infusing pieces of my life into my writing as well. It wasn't just about the wedding planning anymore--the blog was about my life. At that time, I just so happened to be a bride-to-be. And then I was married, and wasn't sure what form the blog would take.

It became Heather Drive--and the hobbies I shared became cooking, baking, decorating cakes, and photography. I got pregnant, and it only seemed natural to share that experience, and then lean on the community I (somehow!) built as I waded through the first year of motherhood.

For the most part, blogging has been a wonderful thing for me. Even as readership has grown, and comments come in, and Facebook "fans" sign on--I always try to take a step back in order to not lose sight of why I have chosen to do this.

It is, in large part, a journal. Sure, it's not as intimate as it would be if it were read only by me, but the main reason for blogging--the reason I have continuously pushed myself to keep writing, even when it seems like I don't possibly have the time--is to document my life for myself. For my husband. For my kids (someday). Michael and I like to go back and look at old posts. See the specifics about where we ate and what we saw on our honeymoon. Recollect what my pregnant belly looked like at 28 weeks. Look back and see what Nora was up to at three months old.

As much as I love all most of you, and the help, guidance, encouragement, and friendship you have offered through your comments over the years--let's make no mistake that the primary reason I have this here blog is for me. Of course, I feel a little pressure to post things that I think others will enjoy reading, but I try not to let that dictate how and what I write. Some posts garner feedback through comments. Others don't. I'm OK with that.

Occasionally, I post something controversial--about breaking Tom Brady's knees, or hating Twilight, or abortion, or (gasp!) politics. And with those posts come heated comments. Some are seething, but most are respectful, just posted in disagreement with me. In those cases, discussing those topics, it is expected--and welcomed!--for people to disagree with me. Although it's rare for it to happen, I've even tolerated some blatant criticism of who I am as a person. I've never contemplated giving up my blog for comments like those.

So imagine my surprise with myself, then, as I am actually considering abandoning ship over Snooki. Freaking Snooki, you guys.

When I reposted that stupid Snooki joke last week, it was literally a split second decision. I saw it on Facebook and almost reposted it there, but since it had been shared so many times in my feed, I figured I'd throw it up over here instead. It made me laugh out loud for a moment in the middle of a difficult week, so I thought it might cause the same reaction for some of you readers. It wasn't something I put a lot of thought into, wasn't something that I anticipated would ignite discussion (and it didn't--at least not at the time).

But then I woke up this morning to a nasty comment on the Snooki post. Not only did this person disagree with the joke--they compared Snooki's fame and subsequent (presumed, mind you) placement of her baby in the public spotlight to my sharing photos of and stories about my daughter on this blog.

Well, hell. Someone was out to hit where it hurt.

Of course, all of this was posted under "anonymous" (isn't it always?) and I have no idea who it is. Is it someone I know in real life? Is it a regular commenter that I "know"? Or is it someone who has (until now) sat silent, quietly judging me, waiting for the right moment to strike?

Regardless, I have to admit that this comment makes me feel uneasy. I would be lying if I said I haven't gone into the setup of this blog and changed it to "private" three times since this morning. Every time, I've canceled the changes, not wanting to make rash decisions.

But, I'm thinking. I'm thinking about why I do this. Do the pros of keeping the blog public outweigh the cons? I appreciate all of the readers and comments I've had over the years, and I've found value in all of it. But I am definitely sensitive to the fact that it's not just about me anymore. I have a family to be mindful of. I share a few photos every couple of weeks. There might be a post here or there focusing on Nora--but usually, those relate to my parenting of her, and are done in a way that I don't think could ever be accused of "airing it all out" so that it would be embarrassing to her in the future.

I thought I was striking a good balance between what to share and what to keep private--but perhaps I need to reconsider altogether.

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Green Thumb

We had our first little taste of spring yesterday, with 60-degree weather. When we got home from work, we spent some time playing with Nora outside, which was so refreshing. And girlfriend LOVED IT, so I think we will be spending a lot of time outdoors in the coming months. I cannot wait for that.

In the meantime, though, we have retreated back indoors, where we New Yorkers belong this time of year (brrrr!). But the little spring preview has me dreaming of warmer, sunnier days, and how I want to spend them.

I want to start a garden.

When I say "green thumb" in the title of this post, I mean GREEN in the sense that I am inexperienced. A newbie. I have no clue what I'm doing.

We have a fair amount of shade in our backyard (lots of trees), so I've been told that a garden might not fare well back there. However, I think we have a few spots that get enough sun for it to work, but I don't know that. Because, well, how much direct sunlight do gardens NEED?

What are the best things to plant for newbies? I'd love to grow tomatoes, zucchini, bell peppers, and some other things, too. But what? And when do we plant?

How do we plant? Raised beds. Containers. Planter bags. What is a clueless girl to do?

And, how do you keep your hard work protected from little critters? We have a fenced in backyard, but we've still had rabbits make repeated appearances back there. They're cute and all, but I don't want them eating my veggies. And insects? I think I've read that there are some herbs you can plant that are natural insect repellants? But what do I know?

So, if you would, give me the rundown. Where do we start? What do we need? Any good resources to point me in the direction of? If you've had success starting your very own garden, I want to hear from you. I need to know I can pull this off.

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Rapture

This made me chuckle.

Disclaimer: I've never actually seen an episode of Jersey Shore. But unfortunately, I do know who Snooki is, and I know enough to realize that this is funny. Ha!

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Kitchen Reno: Prepping and Priming

We're one month into our kitchen renovation.

On the one hand, I can't believe how far we've come in just a few short weeks. On the other hand, I look at how far we still have to go, and can't believe we're already a month into it. I originally had the idea that we could be completely done with everything by the end of March (so, I basically gave ourselves two months--seemed generous) but now I'm wondering if even that was a little too ambitious.

Just keep swimming. I'm trying to break this up into digestible chunks of work, because when I start thinking about it as a whole, it's too overwhelming. All we can do is take one thing at a time.

There were exciting parts of this week, and there were boring oh-my-gosh-let's-just-get-this-over-with parts.

On Thursday night, I started deglossing some of our base cabinet frames with TSP-PF. The guy at Home Depot tried to tell me that I wouldn't need to bother sanding after using this stuff, but after he raised my expectations, I was not all that impressed. It did do its part to clean the cabinets well, and I think it did help remove some of the glossy protective coat on the cabinets, but I didn't feel comfortable just priming from there. We want this paint job to be as durable as possible, so we decided to follow all the info I've been reading and sand, even though it's a giant pain in the keister.

So, Friday night was some sanding. We used the palm sander and 150 grit paper. Now THIS seemed to do a good job. It removed the finish in some parts, and in the places where it didn't, it did severely dull the surface. I went over everything with the sander twice, then did a good wipe down/clean up again to remove any dust.

Come Saturday, I was feeling pretty confident that it was well prepped for primer. So, I busted out the primer and got busy.

I've read about a zillion cabinet painting tutorials, and after talking to one of the experts at a local paint store, this was confirmed to be the best product for the job. This is Zinsser Smart Prime. They claim that it's the performance of oil-based but with the benefits of water-based primer. So far, so good. I like working with it.

The bases were a bit tedious with the door and drawer openings. I eventually figured out that the best method was to do the inside lip of the openings first, then go over the fronts to fix any drips. I got better and faster as I went, but it still took me about two hours to do all of our base cabinet frames. All was OK, though; I was listening to "Overboard" on TV. Can't go wrong with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.

"I just... ate a bug!"

ANYWAY.

It felt really good to get some primer on those cabinets. I'm more looking forward to doing the doors since we plan to spray those, but at this point, putting white paint on those dirt-colored cabinets was extremely satisfying, no matter which method I was using. And it has already made a huge difference--just wait a minute and I'll show you. :)

First I must discuss the great paint debate of 2012. For the love of all things Sherwin Williams, I have not ever had this much trouble choosing a paint color. Back when we first bought the place, we thought we were going to paint the kitchen a goldish-yellowish-creamish color. And, while it was still in the running initially, it just didn't seem to be quite right. Then we thought we'd go with a gray color, but after staring at about 25 shades of gray, that didn't seem to fit either. Then we landed on green. And, although we are sold on green at this point, and although we *think* we have our shade picked out, I think it'll still be a split second decision this week.

Although the one in the middle was the initial favorite, after staring at it for a good 24 hours or so, I was no longer convinced. The one on the left (highlighted with the red arrow) is our current leader. And no, your eyes are not deceiving you--they really aren't very different from one another. Gah.

During Nora's nap today, we were back to work. Michael continued prepping more cabinets in the basement while I tackled a completely lackluster job--repainting the ceiling. BLAH. I really was not looking forward to it at all, because come on... the ceiling is boring. However, I must say that I have gotten way better at it since we've moved in. Back in August, I painted Nora's ceiling and it nearly drove me to drink. It was awful. It was impossible to tell where I had painted, I applied everything unevenly, streaks were visible, my neck was killing me... I ended up painting the damn thing like three or four times and I swore I would never paint another ceiling again.

Of course, after we redid the drywall (including the ceiling!) in our family room this past fall, ceiling painting was upon me again--and I pulled out all of the stops. I Googled the "proper" way to paint a ceiling and watched YouTube tutorials. (Who knew that you were just supposed to paint in straight, overlapping lines? I had always been taught to do the damn "W.") I also armed myself with a secret weapon: PINK PAINT.

Have y'all seen this stuff? It's Glidden's EZ Track Ceiling Paint, and it.is.glorious. It became my best friend in the fall, when I had to paint the family room ceiling way more times than I wanted (it was a drywall/mudding problem, not a paint one). So EZ Track and I became reacquainted this afternoon. Yay.

The gist is that the paint goes on pink, but dries white. Pink so you can see what you're doing and where you've painted--white so that your ceiling looks fabulous when it's done.

See the pinkish/grayish streaking going on up there? This was after I had painted the entire ceiling, so it was in the middle of drying. The parts closest to you were done first, so they are pretty much completely dry, while the portion furthest away from you is wet. Cool, huh?

This is after it has already dried quite a bit, but you can still see the pink hue. (Don't mind the busted looking drywall right there--we ripped out and are replacing the door jamb for the laundry closet.)

For good measure, I'll be doing a second coat of paint on the ceiling tomorrow, and then I'll get to move onto the walls--COLOR!! I'm pretty excited to add color. I just hope I end up liking what we choose.

Oh, and here's what the rest of the kitchen is looking like:

Still a freaking disaster, but LOOK! The beginnings of white cabinets! Wheee!

It's amazing how adding a little primer can change the way things look so dramatically. The countertop, in my eyes, looks like a completely different countertop. Before, it seemed to be sort of pinkish somehow, but not anymore. Hooray.

The next time I update, things should be looking significantly green around here. And hopefully we'll have made some good progress on the upper cabinet frames, too. Currently, we're trying to decide if we should rehang the uppers BEFORE painting them (after priming, definitely), or after they're done. While it would be easier to paint them while they're down, I'm afraid we're going to end up damaging the paint job while getting them back up, so... you can imagine which way we're leaning. Any experience out there?

Hopefully you're not sick of my kitchen updates (and infrequency of other posts, sorry!) already? Fun times--and more progress--are ahead.

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