Chapter: Closed

I worked my last day at my job today.

Even though it was my choice, and I'm excited about where I'm going, I still couldn't help but feel somewhat sad. I worked at this company for 3.5 years, and I have so many great memories of it. It was time to move on, but still... there is much that I will miss.

I worked with some really great people. That's always the hardest part--leaving the people who you are accustomed to seeing and talking to on a daily basis. Even though you vow to stay in touch, even though you do stay in touch--it is never the same as it was.

I feel extremely lucky to have left on such good terms. My boss and coworkers responded to my leaving by being supportive. They understand that it's a valuable opportunity for me, and can put their happiness for me ahead of their disappointment. I so appreciate that. Last week, my closest coworkers (the ones I work with every day) took me out to lunch, and gave me gifts--one for me, and one for my unborn baby. :) Today, I was thrown a cake reception by a larger group of coworkers, and everyone gathered to tell me I would be missed.

As I was wrapping things up this afternoon, one woman came up to me and handed me a gift bag, saying "It's just something for your baby." I said, "You really didn't have to do this! Thank you so much!" and she said, "Oh, it's nothing!" I opened it up when I got home tonight, and inside were three little baby toys that attach to the car seat or stroller. They are so adorable... hardly "nothing." It was so thoughtful.

After all of the kind words people have said to me over the last week, I feel humbled. It's nice to know that I was liked and appreciated.

I feel like a part of me is in denial! Even though I packed up all of my things, transferred all of my files, and said my goodbyes, I still don't really believe that I'm never going to walk into work there again. As I walked to my building this morning, I tried to take it all in. It's my last time here. This is the last time I'm going to walk into this place in the morning. Still... it's not real yet. I guess it'll take a while to sink in.

Again, I'm happy about the choice I've made and the change I've invited into my life, but it's still weird to leave a place you like. Maybe it's extra hard because I never hated working there. For the most part, I really loved it. I had bad days, but who doesn't? My choice to leave stemmed from the lack of opportunity for growth and advancement. If my company could've offered that to me, I probably would've stayed there for a really long time.

But it is done. It is over. It is time to move forward, onto better things and greener pastures and all that.

Still, I pause to reflect on the past 3.5 years--on the people who have touched my life, on the things I have seen and done. I think about how all of us will move on. For me, it's with a new company. For them, it's with a new person to replace me. Weird. It is really weird to think about someone else doing my job. Especially since I made so many changes to the way the company did things; it feels like a lot of those things are my projects. But now they are someone else's.

*sigh*

Out with the old; in with the new.

I am ready for the future. But I will never forget the past.