The Spider Chronicles

Friday, March 25, 2011

After my last post, did y'all think the story was over?


*I* thought the story was over. Or, I was trying really hard to believe that it was. I convinced myself that the spider MUST have exited the car the same way it came in, because every time I got in there, it was nowhere to be found. Because, trust me, I checked. Being the paranoid freak that I am, I've been quickly canvasing the car before I enter it.

No signs of Mr. Spider.

Well, I shouldn't say NO signs. Because, well... there kind of were. When I got into my car yesterday morning, the sun was shining brightly, and I could see cob webs on my dashboard. Pretty disconcerting, but I figured Mr. Spider could've easily planted those before I spotted him on Wednesday morning. The weather on Wednesday was overcast and dark, so cob webs wouldn't have been as easily visible. I kept trying to convince myself that they were old cob webs, but a little nagging feeling kept saying, "But what if they're new??"

Then, last night, I got into my car to drive home and I saw some small cob webs on my driver side door. I'll admit again to being a bit freaked out about it, but again I thought, "They could've been there all along. I just didn't see them before." I cleared out all of the cob webs before exiting my car for the evening, knowing that if I saw cob webs in the morning, they would be fresh ones.

This morning, I did my usual inspection of the roof, the dashboard, and my seat before getting into the car. When I pulled out of the garage and into the bright sunshine, I took a quick look at my dashboard and driver side door, and didn't notice any new cob webs. I let my guard down a little, relaxing a bit... although I've never been 100% comfortable in my car since the incident on Wednesday morning.

As I got to the end of my street, the sun was shining directly into my face, so I reached up, pulled down my sun visor and...

OH MY GOD HELP ME I WAS STARING AT THE BIG BLACK DISGUSTING SPIDER, ONLY SIX INCHES FROM MY FACE.

That little bastard was clinging to the sun visor. And--AND!!!--had clearly been living in my car for the past two days. I will pause for a moment while the shivers travel down your spines. Because, EWWWWW.

Anyway, you better believe I immediately hit the brakes, threw the car into park, and got my ass out of there. I even left my poor, defenseless baby in the back seat, but she was happily chilling out and didn't know about the killer spider in the front seat and frankly, hasn't had an opportunity or the life experience to develop a fear of spiders yet so it doesn't make me a bad mom, right? Right. *deep breath*

As I stood beside the car, with the driver door open, I started to come up with a plan to rid myself of this spider, once and for all. Tissues? No. NO, because then I would actually have to get close enough to TOUCH the thing. Shoe? No, because then I would have to smash it and it would either scamper away or fall onto my steering wheel or seat. NO. I opened the door to the back seat and spotted my snow brush. Michael had actually questioned why I hadn't used my snow brush to kill it on Wednesday morning, but at that time, my snow brush had been in my trunk, so--out of sight, out of mind. But now it was in my back seat and it was the perfect solution because it has a long handle and I did not need to get closer than a few feet from that nasty, big, black, disgusting spider.

I took one swipe at the spider to attempt to "sweep" it right out onto the ground but really only managed to knock him off of the visor. To my horror, he was now HANGING by his disgusting little web. After taking a deep breath, I held the snow brush out and let him crawl onto it, and once he was on it, I whipped the snow brush around and flung that bastard onto the pavement.

THE SPIDER WAS OFFICIALLY EVICTED FROM MY CAR.

Mission accomplished, but I found afterward that I was seriously trembling! My knees were shaking, people. I am such a freakin' wuss. I'm actually ashamed of myself.

I wish I could tell you that I can now ride in comfort, but I'm still a little freaked out by the whole thing. It's going to take some time to get over the trauma.

And I sure as hell hope he didn't leave behind any friends or babies.

13 comments:

Eric's Mommy March 25, 2011 at 10:49 AM  

Thank God that thing is gone!

Michelle March 25, 2011 at 11:59 AM  

I jinxed you! Spiders love sun visors evidently! I'm glad he is gone!!!

What was Nora doing as you were killing the spider? I hope she was laughing! :)

diana March 25, 2011 at 1:32 PM  

I have to laugh a tiny bit, but if it happened to me, I'd have done the same thing! I hate spiders. I don't think that a fear of spiders, or bugs in general, is irrational at all. Some can be poisonous, they are small, you can't see them coming, and they usually move in quick, jerky movements. If I'm about to get stampeeded by a herd of elephants, I can see and hear them coming. Spiders, not so much.
Anyway, I'm glad you got it out of the car and can now drive in peace.

PhaseThreeOfLife March 25, 2011 at 1:56 PM  

I have goosebumps right now. I think I would have passed out. I hate spiders with the passion of 1,000 fiery suns. I probably would have ran down the street screaming.

And you're not a bad mom for leaving Nora abandoned in the car - when it comes to spiders, it's every man/woman for themselves!

Anonymous,  March 25, 2011 at 2:03 PM  

Can you imagine if one morning you walk to your car to look for cobwebs, only to find all of your interior COVERED in them?! OMIGOSH, that totally freaks me out!

-Annie

Mrs. B March 25, 2011 at 3:18 PM  

OMG, this post (and the last one) is giving me some serious heebie jeebies!! Eeeek! I am the same way when there's a spider, or any bug, in my car...I freak out, throw it into park, and jump out trying to figure out how the heck I'm going to get the bug out of there. I'm glad to hear you finally got rid of that sucker!

Crystal March 26, 2011 at 6:29 PM  

I busted up laughing while reading this!! I hate spiders too!! It's funny how something so small can make us think we're gonna die if it comes near us :)

Clint & Alicia McLaws March 27, 2011 at 1:48 AM  

EWWWW!!!!! I think I would have shit my pants. NO LIE! I was reading the post to my sister in law, and she was practically dry-heaving. I think her distaste of spiders is much deeper than mine. Glad the bastard has been evicted! :D

Christy March 27, 2011 at 11:38 PM  

I haven't laughed so hard I cried in a long time! Thank you and I totally relate. Grew up with the jumping spiders and they were big ones. I will buy your first book...one in the works?

Vanyp,  March 28, 2011 at 10:52 AM  

Thank you for making me laugh. You made my day (sorry it was at your expense) :)

Wishing on stars April 19, 2011 at 1:56 AM  

LMAO!!!!!!!!! Oh this is what I get for being to busy to read your blog for a month! Goodness gracious. When I read that part where you found him in the visor I did an instant "Home Alone" face hold. (you know when he puts the aftershave on and slaps the sides of his face lol) Oh my god I could not have taken that. I don't even care if they are poisoning. I hate them all. I hate they're disgusting nasty legs...and now I KNOW there are spiders crawling all over me.

Jamie,  May 21, 2011 at 12:30 PM  

LOL! Wow, I thought I was the only one that had a freak out about this. The SAME EXACT thing happened to me, I could have wrote your story. The ending however, is a little more insane on my part.

When I discovered the spider that had in fact been living in my car for days, I too jumped out of the car. It was 10:00 at night and I was doing some late grocery shopping. Well, I was NOT getting back in the car!

I could see my cell phone sitting on the passenger seat, and I also saw the little bastard still dangling around. So I ran to the pay phone in front of the store and called my sleeping husband...so what that he had to be at work very early the next morning? I had a crisis on my hands!

I screamed and cried that he HAD to come and get my car and swap vehicles with me and that there was no way in HELL I was getting back in that car. That was 3 years ago and he STILL reminds me of my insane paranoia on a weekly basis.

I have to he the DH read this, he is going to laugh all over again! Thanks! :-)

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