Deployed

It is a day that has been hanging over my family for quite some time now. One that I could not really grasp until today. And although it certainly seems more real now than ever before, I think that in a lot of ways, I am still processing.

My brother, Trevor, will officially be deployed tomorrow morning.

This afternoon, we attended the "yellow ribbon ceremony" to send off his unit.

He will be gone for a year. It's tough to comprehend. Thankfully, he'll remain in the States for a little while, fulfilling the beginning weeks of his deployment in the deep south. Then, we don't know what his destination will be. We have no idea where he's going; and neither does he.

I am sad. I am sad for the hole that will be left in our family until he returns safely home. I am sad that when we have family dinners, there will be a notable absence for a while. I am sad for the birthdays, the holidays, and other important events he will miss. I am sad that we will only get to joke, to laugh, to make fun of our mom (sorry, Mom!) in a long-distance way. (But I do have to give a shout-out for the miracle that is Facetime. Thank you, Steve Jobs.)

I am scared. At the ceremony today, there was a lot of emphasis on coming home safely. That's obviously numero uno, but for me, it's a fear I can delay a bit--because like I said, we don't even know where he's going. So it's actually hard to know if we should be scared. But I guess the fear right now is mainly focused in the unknown. So, we wait--just as he does--to find out what his assignment will be.

I am angry. I'm angry that there is even a need for soldiers. Anywhere. I wish that we could all just get along, sitting around a fire and singing kumbaya and all that shit. I'll go all beauty queen on you and say that I wish for world peace. An impossibility, I know, but hey. I'm just putting it out there.

I am proud. I am proud of Trevor. For the man he is, and for the sacrifices he is making for this country. It may be a "war" that I cannot understand, but it doesn't mean that I do not appreciate and recognize what the men and women in the military do for all of us. I love Trevor and love what he adds to our family. We fought a lot growing up--especially when we were teenagers, wow, there were some doozies--but we're grown-ups now.

That's how Trevor's deployment affects me. But the thing that gets to me the most--the thing that gives me a ball of anxiety in my gut--is not about me. It's about the little family he has made.

{Trevor and Kara's wedding day - May 21, 2011}

When I pray with Nora before putting her to bed each night, it is the three of them that I pray for. For safety, for peace, for strength. That the year may fly by for them so that they can all be together again before they know it.

As we sat at the ceremony today, you could hear the sounds of small children all around. Many of these kids were going to be saying goodbye to their daddies, or their mommies, for an entire year. And that's just... heartbreaking.

Sitting among all of these people, it really hit me: Kara, Hunter, and our family--we're not alone. There are hundreds of thousands of people throughout this country--and millions around the world--who are affected in this very same way.

{Hunter, searching the group of soldiers for his daddy}

It is with great pride that we send Trevor off to serve with the U.S. Army National Guard.

But we will miss him.

And we'll be counting down the days until he's home.