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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I took 12 weeks off of work for maternity leave. I have only 3.5 weeks left.

Now that I am within the final third of my all-day, everyday time with Nora, I am shaking in my boots. I always knew that I'd be going back to work after a baby, but now that it's becoming a reality ohmygodIsodon'twantto. I dread the day I have to leave her at the sitter's and go to work all day. Dread it.

One of my friends told me that the day she had to leave her daughter for the first time was one of the worst days of her life. Another friend told me that for the first few weeks, I will feel an actual physical ache all day long, the whole time I'm separated from Nora.

Well, now... doesn't that all sound fun?

Today, I had to go into work for the morning for a special meeting. Michael was able to arrange it so he could work from home for half the day, so he stayed home with the babe while I took off to the office. I had to leave the house at 7:30 a.m., and I was back a little bit after noon. Four and a half hours, people. That's all.

Still, last night, as I was lying in bed, I stared at my little sweetheart in her bed and felt sadness in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't that I was worried about her--she was going to be with her daddy, after all--it was just that I knew how much I was going to miss her. And we're talking about four and a half hours!

Oh, man... the real thing is going to hurt.

On December 6, I fear my heart will break into a million little pieces.

10 comments:

Anonymous,  November 10, 2010 at 3:12 PM  

It will be hard. You will feel that you left a little piece of yourself behind those first few days. (Honestly, I still feel twinges of sadness 2+ months in.) But it DOES get easier. Promise. I think you will really enjoy getting back into a routine, and you will treasure your time together with Nora that much more (I never knew how much I loved weekends until I went back to work). Plus, there is nothing better than seeing your baby girl's eyes light up with recognition when you go pick her up at the end of a long day.

We will be thinking of you as you approach your transition! You will do great.

~Kristen M.

Shauna November 10, 2010 at 3:50 PM  

It always makes me sad to read these posts (it seems like every new mom does one at about the 9-10 week mark) because I remember the heartbreak all over again. It will SUCK. It will absolutely 100% suck suck suck and it might very well be the saddest that you've ever felt about something that you didn't expect to feel quite so sad about. But it will absolutely 100% get better. I promise.

I can't remember, are you planning to pump once you go back to work? That's the part that I am dreading the most this time around. I hate my pump with the fire of a thousand suns and I don't want to ever see it again.

Tiffany November 10, 2010 at 4:39 PM  

It is a very difficult thing to do, but it will get easier. It will definitely make it clear how much you love her, how much has changed since you had her, and help you cherish every moment with her that much more.

I came across Road to the Aisle when I was looking for info on making my own unity candle. It's amazing how much life can change and how fast isn't it.

Tiffany

nikinikinine November 10, 2010 at 4:39 PM  

Oh gosh Heather, I really hope that the suck period is over quick and you make it through unscathed. I can't even imagine how hard that would be. Big ((HUGS))!

KLaw November 10, 2010 at 5:09 PM  

Its going to be very hard. And you are going to cry. And you are going to feel such guilt. And you are going to think that you are abandoning her. But all of it is normal. Lean on us ladies that have been through it. It'll get easier. As cliche as that sounds (I didn't believe it myself, but I've been back for 6 weeks and I am okay).

Megan November 10, 2010 at 5:33 PM  

It's true I was home a lot longer than you so maybe my perspective is different (leaving a 5 month old instead of a 12 week old...) but it does get easier. At first I was worried she'd hate daycare and now, in only the second week, it bums me out a little when she doesn't freak out when she sees me picking her up. Jim has to remind me that we WANT her to like daycare. Just want her to like me more.

Your heart will ache, but there will be a new normal. Also? Staying at home is much harder work. In terms of actual work, you'll feel like you're on vacation!

Jenn and Neena Mae November 10, 2010 at 10:30 PM  

I'm not going to lie and tell you that I was okay, because I wasn't. But, I will say that as timed passed it did get easier,and, it was quite nice to be able ot use the restroom without having to worry about where to put the little one. :-)

I know that a previous poster said that she hated pumping, but I actually really enjoyed that time of the day. Obviously, I didn't enjoy it as much as actually nursing Neena. When I pumped at work I would turn on relaxing music and pull up a Neena picture slideshow on my computer and I took great pride in the fact that was doing something for my daughter at each one of those breaks.

Embrace these last few weeks and tkae comfort in the fact that things will normalize after returning to work. <3

Lyzz November 10, 2010 at 11:54 PM  

I will also be returning to work on December 6, although I had been off since 7/5/2010 and our little babe will be a little over 4 months the day I go back. I am absolutely dreading it, but it is a necessity. I hope it will be all okay, for you and me both.

Maria November 11, 2010 at 12:55 AM  

My mom said that she cried for the first week while going back to work after having me. And when my Dad's sisters would come over and help while she was gone, she would think that I wouldn't know who she was when she back home!! I can't imagine how that will feel for you. It was hard enough having to leave a puppy home for the first time, I can't even fathom a baby!! I'm sure you will adjust and your baby will know who you are :-)

Tara November 11, 2010 at 5:12 PM  

I am in the same boat, Heather. Your last 3 posts are all things that my husband & I have been dealing with or talked about this week!

Our babygirl, Kira Jane, was born Sept 22. I took 8 weeks off for maternity & go back next Friday, 11/19...I may go kicking & screaming! It was an unfortunate mishap that after being home with Kira for 3days I had to be readmitted to the hospital for 4days to have my gall bladder removed, she was with Daddy the entire time but, my god, did my body ache. (I would also like to note that one of the tests they had to do made me radioactive so for 2 of those 4-days I couldn't even be within 6 feet of her...it was HORRIBLE!) & even though she is going to be people I trust with my life I still can't get over the fact that for 6-8hrs a day for 5-days a week I'll be away from my beautiful girl.

So on November 19th please keep me in your thoughts as you will be in mine on December 6th.

She is absolutely beautiful by the way :)

Good luck!

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