Friday, April 24, 2009

I've never been one to be afraid of change. I've always thought I'm the kind of girl who can roll with the punches.

These last few days, however, I've started to realize that I may not be as good with it as I thought. The thing is, I think most of the change I've experienced in my life has always been GOOD change. So, really, what's so hard about that? What's not to like?

At the end of the day, what I'm going through right now is NOT a big deal. So I have to move offices. I am no longer going to get to see and talk to my coworkers (who have become close friends) on a regular basis. I keep telling myself, so what? It's not like anyone has moved hundreds of miles away (they are simply on the other side of my company's property, in a new building). It's not like anyone has died.

So why am I so damn depressed?

Yesterday was moving day for my three officemates. They packed everything up, movers came, IT came to fetch their computers. We had an awesome last day together. Laughed, gossiped, went to lunch, laughed some more. And at the end of the day, we all walked out together for the very last time. I was fine.

I got into my car and fell apart. I cried the whole way home.

Seriously, what is wrong with me?

I was able to pull myself back together relatively quickly last night, and I figured that reality was finally beginning to hit me. Kept myself busy at home, went to bed last night, woke up this morning... all pretty normal.

And then I get to work this morning, open the office door, and wouldn't you know... there was no one on the other side of it to greet me. No "good mornings" from my friends. No phones ringing. No talking. And worst of all... no laughing. (Oh, and no swearing. I'm going miss the f bombs, too.)

When I first had to move up here last July, I was not happy about it. I was moving away from the people who I actually work with, and was moving upstairs to a different division, simply because space was tight throughout the whole company, and these guys had a vacant office for me to inhabit. I really had no professional connection to these new officemates; there was no logical reason for me to be housed within their space. I knew who these people were, but had had very little interaction with them, so I didn't know them.

Before I knew it, I had become a part of them. I felt like a part of their team, even though I wasn't. When they moved yesterday, I wanted to go with them.

And so this morning, where my friends used to sit, there are empty chairs. The desks that used to be filled with pictures and personal items, phones, computers, papers, bottles of water... they're all empty.

Honestly. So depressing.

The thing is, we all spend so much time at work. Aside from home, this is where I spend a good chunk of my life. I've been at this job for nearly three years. And for the past nine months, I had a really, really good thing going. I was happy here. Work was fun.

Now the fun is gone. The life has been completely sucked out of this place.

Where I'm moving to? Not fun. I'm moving back to where I used to be, but with half as many people left down there. It's going to be quiet; it's going to be a ghost town. I know them all well, for they are my true coworkers. We share job functions, and work together on projects. A couple of them are my bosses. They're all nice people; I can't complain.

But they aren't my friends.

My new office isn't ready yet. It's being painted today, and I will officially move on Monday. Until then, I am all alone. I didn't think I'd mind being up here by myself for a few days, but this is horrible. I'm just reminded of how things used to be. One thing's for sure: I need to get the hell out of here.

I know I'll get used to this, and all will be fine. But for now, I can't help but wish that things would just go back to the way they were.

I miss my friends. And they miss me.

Disclaimer: I know there are far worse things in life. I know I'm being a bit dramatic. I'm just sad. I need to wallow for a few days. I'll get over it; I promise.


Blablover5 April 24, 2009 at 11:51 AM  

Nothing like a little bit of wallowing. Change is still change no matter how big or small it can still have a major impact on us, especially when we least expect it.

And considering how much time we spend with our office mates it's no wonder that moving offices can be more traumatic than moving houses.

Lesley Rae April 24, 2009 at 12:04 PM  

It's OK to be sad! I'd be sad too, you're right, it looks downright depressing!

Like the other commenter said, no matter how small this change might be, it's still a change and for you right now in this's something different you need to get used to. It's OK to be dramatic sometimes.

And again, thanks for letting me have your crinoline! I put it on last night sans my dress and even though I have to wear it up to my neck, I was still excited nonetheless. Can't wait to try it all on this weekend! :)

Chelsey April 24, 2009 at 12:07 PM  

Yikes, that is sad! I'm sorry. On another note I love your new page, reading it in black sort of hurt my eyes, this is much softer!

Vanessa April 24, 2009 at 12:58 PM  

Heather, I totally get this. I miss my colleagues in Paris SO much. They were my friends. I looked forward to seeing them every day. And now I hate my office back in London (and, I'm sad to say, don't get on with the people sharing it with me). It _is_ sad and you have the right to be sad for a while. But just as you were surprised by how much you liked your new location, keep an open mind about the new-old location. You never know. Have a great weekend!

Jacki,  April 24, 2009 at 4:22 PM  

Awww hon... I'm sorry...
On the bright (and sunny) side, you have this BEAUTIFUL weekend in the NY area to look forward to!
Enjoy it!
I'm off to find my flip flops! :)

Lindsey April 24, 2009 at 9:24 PM  

I know how you feel, I don't do very well with change myself. So you're definitely not alone in that one.

Megan April 27, 2009 at 9:32 AM  

Hope you're able to stil see them a lot. All my close friends moved to our other building across the street and I never see anyone anymore and I can tell you, it sucks. We just have to be better about making plans since we don't just run into each other.

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