November 3

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

November 3, 2008 was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

One of the worst, if not the worst, of my life. The 10 days that followed were not much better. For those 11 days, Tessa had cancer. But then it turned out that she wasn't sick after all.

Needless to say, a year later, on November 3, 2009, we're in a much better place. Still, we look back.

If I sit and really think about it, I can feel the weight I carried for those 11 days. I can feel the tightness in my chest. I can remember how it felt to fall asleep each night on a pillow damp with tears. I couldn't stand to leave her, even for a few hours. Really, I couldn't bear to look at her. As my pet, my companion, my little girl, I couldn't believe I was losing her.

It was simply a dark time in our lives. I remember the weather. Warm for November. Many of the days were filled with golden, late fall sunshine. We tried to use the weather to our advantage and take Tessa for as many walks as possible. We tried to make up for the walks we didn't take, and the ones we would never take again.

As much as it hurts to look back, I like to do so every once in a while. It helps to put life into perspective. It makes me realize how good things are now. We appreciate the everyday moments with Tess. And as good as life is, I will never forget those days. But life is good, in part, because of those days. In spite of them.

Because ultimately, she is still here.

She is playful. She is cute. She is snuggly. She is loved. She is healthy.

She is three, when we thought she might not ever be. In fact, she is even almost four. :)

Tessa snoozes in my lap as I write this, and I heave a sigh of relief, for I don't have to imagine life without her. Not yet.

Those without pets cannot imagine the love you feel for them. It probably sounds silly from the "outside." But we love her more than ever. And I have to say, the feeling is most definitely mutual. She adds value to our lives. We are lucky to have her; she is lucky to have us.

November 3, 2008 was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

November 3, 2009 has been a day of reflection, but otherwise...

Uneventful. Boring. Routine.

Just the way I like it.


Laura November 4, 2009 at 5:11 AM  

I can completely understand! I have a min pin that reminds me of Tessa and he is our world! I remember reading that post and praying for her recovery!

Glad to see everything is still going well Heather! Love your blog!

Swedish November 4, 2009 at 9:12 AM  

I remember finding your blog this time last year. I even remember telling DH about Tessa's story. So glad she's healthy and obviously very happy!

Lesley Rae November 4, 2009 at 11:14 AM  

So happy little Tess is doing well! I remember getting so scared for you and Michael. I really can't believe it's been an entire year already though! But, so glad to know you're all happy and healthy!

Becky November 4, 2009 at 11:27 AM  

I cannot believe it has been a year already! Glad everything worked out!

Wishing on stars November 5, 2009 at 4:27 PM  

I completely understand too. I have had many pets over the years and have loved them all very much. I have a german sheppard/akita who is getting a little old and feeble. And it just breaks my heart. I love the times when he is like a puppy again and runs through the house and wants to play. I also seems to hate those times too. I know it sounds horrible, but it reminds me that he isn't the energetic puppy he used to be. I'm so happy your Tess is doing well. :-)

Anonymous,  November 6, 2009 at 1:27 AM  

5/12/07 I lost my 'baby'. I know exactly what you went through. Glad Tessa is with you today and it wasn't a difficult choice for you to make. I hope you enjoy her as much as I enjoy "My Bear"!

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